It's okay not to be a duck

As I continue to grow up I think I’ve really come to understand the importance of protecting my mental health, especially after Berit was born.
I don’t keep it secret that I struggled with postpartum anxiety and struggled with it alone for the most part. I had to learn how to speak up and speak out.
Luckily, I had a certain managing editor friend that lovingly told me I needed to speak to my doctor.
Since then, I’ve focused on not allowing toxic relationships ruin me.
But man is it hard.
Why is it so easy to tell a rude stranger right where they can go but when it’s our own friends or family member, someone we should be comfortable with, we agonize over what to say?
When is it okay to step away from a toxic family member? A sister, a cousin, even a parent?
Living in the south we are taught as very young children to mind our manners even at the expense of our hearts.
Mind you manners, cross your legs, dry up your tears, and be on your best behavior.

However, and please don’t hate me for saying this, sometimes it’s OK to not speak to people — even if they’re our elders.
It’s never OK, of course, to be hateful. That’s not what Jesus has taught us and what we should spread to others.
But I truly believe it’s OK to walk away from people that keep you from having that relationship you need with Jesus because your heart is constantly filled with anger.
I don’t want Berit to be conditioned to thinking that being in an emotionally abusive relationship is OK, if they are related to you.

Be respectful, be kind, but you absolutely do not have to be tolerant.
It’s so easy to teach her these things but so much harder to teach them to myself.
I recently experienced a situation in which I knew I needed to speak up. I was being taken advantage of, and while I don’t think this person meant to do so, it was still happening and still hurting.
I was honestly so afraid to address my concerns that I was willing to continue to allow myself to hurt just so I didn’t lose this person.

With some encouragement from that same pushy editor, I spoke my truth about what was bothering me.
Thankfully, it was an amazing conversation and we are now closer than ever.
I was able to address a situation and stand my ground. It’s amazing the impact saying, “this truly hurts my feelings” can do.

As children we’re taught to speak up and let someone know when they’re hurt our feelings but when do we unlearn this? When do we reach that level as adults when we’re supposed to let it roll like water off a duck’s back?
Sometimes I don’t want to be that duck!
What if I want to be the duck that bites you on the rear and chases you back to the car?

Unfortunately I’m also facing a situation with someone that I know won’t end well. They’ll forever be in my life but I’m learning I must limit interaction with them to preserve my own mental health and relationship with Christ.

I’m learning to let that be OK; to be a different kind of duck.
So, here’s to trying to not be the duck that lets it slide, but also not be the duck that attacks people.
Maybe I can be the duck that walks in the other direction, away from the toxic waters that can harm me.
Here’s to not letting others make you go “quackers.”

This column first appeared in The Bolivar Commercial.

Inkling by Kenneth Oppel

 a

Release date: Nov 6, 2018
Enter Inkling. Inkling begins life in Mr. Rylance's sketchbook. But one night the ink of his drawings runs together--and then leaps off the page! This small burst of creativity is about to change everything.
Ethan finds him first. Inkling has absorbed a couple chapters of his math book--not good--and the story he's supposed to be illustrating for school--also not good. But Inkling's also started drawing the pictures to go with the story--which is amazing! It's just the help Ethan was looking for! Inkling helps the rest of the family too--for Sarah he's a puppy. And for Dad he's a spark of ideas for a new graphic novel. It's exactly what they all want. 
It's not until Inkling goes missing that this family has to face the larger questions of what they--and Inkling--truly need.

There will be spoilers in this review. 

A quick summary:

The Rylance family is stuck. Dad's got writer's block. Ethan promised to illustrate a group project at school--even though he can't draw. Sarah's still pining for a puppy. And they all miss Mom. So much more than they can say.

From Goodreads. 

The Set Up:

We open with the cat. I immediately love Rickman, who is the first to discover Inkling. Because we can see this fun personality of the cat and we’re immediately introduced to this world where the thoughts of a cat are logical, I’m able to jump on board with a blob of ink coming off of the pages of a sketchbook. There was much world building necessary here, but the author creates a sense of place and I have no issue believing anything Rickman wants to tell me.

What stood out:

These characters are relatable to middle grade readers but at the same time, introducing them to ideas they might not see in their own everyday lives. For example, not every child has a sibling with Down Syndrome or even might know someone with Down Syndrome. Ethan describes his sister as, “Sarah had Down Syndrome, and there were lots of things that were still mysteries to her, like why you couldn’t just eat ice cream whenever you wanted.”

Sarah is a hilarious character and calls Rickman “Icklan” and wants Inkling to be a dog so badly she calls him Lucy.

Through Ethan’s love for his sister,  and her sweet yet silly nature, readers easily fall in love with her and learn about the many important and wonderful things people with Down Syndrome are blessed with. I feel it's incredibly important for middle grader readers to be exposed to characters that don't necessarily look like them or the people they are surrounded with. 

One particular section that stood out was, “Here was the thing about a Sarah hug. It was a real embrace. There was nothing half-hearted about it. Her soft arms folded around your neck, and she pressed her cheek against yours and smushed her body against you, and you felt like you’d just won the most amazing prize. And you couldn’t help grinning.” I love Sarah.

I also thoroughly enjoyed the illustrates placed throughout the book. Because this was an ARC, only some of those illustrations were visible, however all of the ones I could see were fun sketches much like what I imagine Mr. Rylance creating in his comics.

Several times throughout the book I made a note that Oppel described scary characters (Blotter) and scary situations in a way that kept me turning the pages in an anxious frenzy, but definitely wasn’t too much for a younger reader. Blotter is super creepy and bubbles with anger from eating way too many violent comic books. Inkling is afraid of him and so am I. 

Oppel brings these fears to life by giving both Blotter and Inkling the power to hurt our human characters in a very real way, cutting off their air flow. We learn in the beginning with Inkling covers Ethan’s face that the ink can cut off Ethan’s airflow. Inkling is of course sorry for hurting his friend but later, when Blotter is freed and they are trying to run away from him, this same thing happens, leaving readers on the edge of the page as we are left with “All he could think was, breathe, breathe. But he couldn’t.”

Discussion Topics:

The death of a parent
I appreciated the discussion of the death of a parent. Rather than is be a giant hug fest, Oppel allows his characters to experience grief in several ways. From Sarah's inability to understand, their dad's complete withdrawal into his self, and Ethan trying to fix everything, readers see grief they can identify with. 

Owning your decisions and doing the right thing
Even though Ethan and his dad could keep Inkling and Blotter to create books that would obviously bring them wealth, the family takes ownership for allowing Inkling to do some of their work. Both Ethan and his dad admit to their mistakes of cheating on homework and on book writing. It was refreshing to see characters realize their wrong doings and make amends. In the end, they also help others see the importance of not only owning your mistakes, but learning how to do something by yourself, a great lesson for middle grade readers. 

I won't spoil anymore but I will say I rate this book 4.8/5.

Have you read Inkling? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

To purchase Inkling go here!

To learn more about Kenneth Oppel and his awesomeness go here and here!